Long-winded, as usual.

I know I write similar things about music over and over...phrasing and rephrasing the same kinds of thoughts. But that's just the problem. Music hits a nerve with me in a way that I can never manage to express. And it frustrates me, because I always want to find the right words for everything. I want to clearly state each fear, each point of pride, each tangible thought that runs through my mind.

Yet when music hits me (as bland as it sounds, that's exactly what it does) I find myself without words. Somehow, somewhere, there's always a musician who manages to blend note and chord and melody and harmony and word and voice and tone and breath and it hurts. It just hurts me in a way where I hold my breath and wait for a pause, a bridge, a moment when the musician is just pausing in his or her own mind, catching their own breath, readying to carry me away with another chorus.

There are songs that make me mourn my not-even-over youth and others that make me feel so naive, childish, inexperienced. I want to know the pain they sing about and yet, I feel like when they sing about joy or love, I'll never feel it as fully as they do.

Music, to me, is the ultimate hyperbole. It is this hypersensitive 2-4 minute expression of an event or emotion. Musicians create this BANG that sucks you into their world and just when you feel that you could never leave, they cut you off and leave you hanging. They change tone and voice with another song and you're left at the edge.

Think of the last time you heard a stunning song for the first time. Think about how you felt as you felt the song ending. To me, it feels like a miniature version of getting your heart broken. Like a first love, a well-written song will burn itself into your memory and each time something reminds you of it, you'll be instantly carried away to a world of nostalgia and aching, just aching, to be back where you were the first time it hit you and knowing that you'll never be the same again. You'll never be who you were at that moment and things are always changed and don't go back.

I'm listening to a song right now that, for some reason, makes me think of words and names I love:

Friday
Violet
Crimson
Antioch
Burnished
Gelding
Ethereal
Whisper
January
Why
Mouth
Languish
Autumn
Velvet
Stellar
Eyelashes

Some words have magic in them.